Video Harvest � Volume 7

A short video harvest for you today�

 

Gravit� from Renaud Hall�e on Vimeo.

So is it just me or does it seem really dirty for Apple to go after Gizmodo because they were dumb enough to leave their iPhone at a bar? Does that not qualify as abandoned property?

Parallel Universes

Space. The final frontier. Unless you subscribe to a belief in parallel universes that exist only in other dimensions not yet discovered by humankind.  In that case, there may be any number of frontiers yet to be explored�

At this point in human history, the idea of parallel universes exists only in the realm of theory and science fiction, right? We see movies all the time that delve into a broad view of possibility and reference or even out right claim truth in the hypothesis. Then, on rare occasions, we find individuals so convinced in their own minds that they have either seen, felt, smelled, tasted, or heard a parallel universe through some kind of personal revelation most accurately described as �an experience.� I am not referring to a drug induced trance or hallucination, I�m talking about the kind of experience that changes a person�s perspective on life and in most cases, certifies  him as mentally insane in the eyes of society.

Curtis Barrymore was one of those people.

At the ripe old age of 72, Curtis lived alone and spent most of his time staring out his parlor room window at the people who walked on the sidewalk in front of his house.  Every Thursday morning he would put on his coat and hat and walk himself down to the county library.  Upon walking inside, he would tip his hat to the pretty young librarian seated at the front desk�but never said a word to her.  Perhaps it was because he was nervous due to the attraction he felt for her despite the obvious age gap.  The young woman watched him as he went to the mircofiche station, just as he did every week. And true to form, Curtis looked up the location of a book titled �The Garden of Forks.� The woman was certain that Curtis knew where the book was and even knew its exact position on the shelf. �So why did he always look it up?� she thought to herself.  �Predictable as a Swiss clock.� The woman watched as Curtis found his book in its normal dwelling place and then took it and sat in a chair in the corner of the library as was his custom.  Typically he stayed and read for about 13 minutes and then put the book back and left (the life of a librarian can be frightfully boring and spying on patrons was the woman�s only joy). But after thirty-three minutes, Curtis still sat staring at the book. Curious, the woman walked over to him, pretending to look for a book on the shelves as she went.  When she was within an arms reach of him, the woman said softly �Sir, is there anything I can help you with?� There was no response, verbal or otherwise.  The woman repeated her question, a little louder this time but received the same response. Concerned that the old man might have a health condition, the librarian reached out with her hand and touched the man�s shoulder to wake him.  Suddenly the woman�s mind was spinning as a rush of pulsing colors flooded her field of vision. She could smell a strong scent of peppermint and she could feel her body shaking.  All at once her eyes came into focus and she found herself standing in a lush garden filled with unrecognizable plants.  Looking down she saw that her hand was still on Curtis� shoulder but he had transformed into a youthful man of about 26 years old. He looked up and said �Hello, Julie.� in shocked surprise the woman jerked her hand away and was immediately brought back to the library. As she fell to the floor in the early stages of unconsciousness, she felt a strong arm catch her before the impact and lift her limp body into the air. �I�m sorry� she heard a gruff and aged voice say. Then everything went black and silent.

Julie woke up in a hospital bed. Curtis was never seen again.

Confessions of a Female Geek

Originally posted April 13, 2009.

I�m not sure when it happened. I have some idea as to how, but the change came so gradually and seamlessly that by the time I finally noticed it was too late. Perhaps the most tragic thing is I�ve never heard of anyone turning back from such a condition.

I�m speaking of course of being a geek � or in my case, being assimilated by geeks.

I completely blame this evolution on my husband, Max and Frank � though they would argue I have a propensity to geek-like behavior as it is. (So, I liked LOTR to the point of wearing shirts with bell sleeves and writing my name in elvish�that doesn�t prove anything). We can argue nature versus nurture some other time�

One of the first tip offs was the realization one evening that I could recognize what weapon my husband was using on Halo 3 (in social slayer) just by listening from the next room. From picking up on the distinct clicking of the needler, the rhythms of AR and BR to the solid echoing quality of the sniper rifle, I feared I was beginning to slip irrevocably into the realm of geekdom.

Then one day, I caught myself inadvertently passing judgment on an individual who only used Internet Explorer as her web browser. She didn�t even know of the existence of Mozilla. I then began questioning the mental capabilities of those who refuse to investigate the wonders of gmail, tabbed browsing and keyboard shortcuts � but these are all basic, right? This doesn�t in and of itself make me a geek�but it gets worse.

I�ve begun to pick up geek-talk. Yes, I can use �assimilated� with the full knowledge of its reference to the Borg. I accidentally use gamer terms like p0wned in everyday conversation. I�ve taken part in debates as to whether Captain Picard is better than Kirk (my answer is Picard, if you�re wondering). I am untrusting of AI�s ability to hold to Asimov�s laws and fear the development of a system of Skynet proportions. I even noted when we were out to dinner that leftover skewers if kept in one�s purse could come in handy in the case of a zombie apocalypse, and I don�t even like zombie stories.

Oh, and don�t even get me started on comic books. I�ve caught myself correcting guys on their super-hero facts, such as Superman�s father�s name, Spider-man�s girlfriends (the ones from the comic books, not the movies), Batman�s real name and fictional comic book towns.

I was inwardly proud of myself yet somewhat scared when I began to understand the t-shirts on thinkgeek.com, including the on that reads: �There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary code and those who don�t.� I�m not sure if that�s worse than the hatred I�m harboring for Billy Mitchell upon robbing Steve Wiebe of his title in Donkey Kong or not.

At any rate, I think it�s safe to say that I�m showing early (or perhaps more advanced) signs of being a geek. All in all it�s not a bad thing. I�ve learned a lot and if nothing else it has enabled me to engage in a wider variety of conversations and be a more proficiently efficient user of technology � not to mention knowing how to defend myself against aliens, zombies, vampires or the flood. In closing, as I sit here wondering if I would rather have a high medi-chlorian count or own Scotty�s teleportation device, I would just like to say: Be warned, girls � you are what you marry.

Travel

Hello loyal readership.  I will be traveling to Illinois this week to film a conference so don�t let the lack of updates ore sparseness of content frighten you.  I will return.  I will.

 

Unless something unforeseen happens (or at least becomes seen) and I find myself careening towards death in our rental van after having a near collision with a bread truck whilst on a high bridge overlooking a raging river somewhere in Illinois.

Ten and a Half

Originally posted April 8, 2009.

The more you study, the more you know. The more you know, the more can forget. The more you can forget, the more you do forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why study?

This was Patrick�s mantra, his thesis, his banner flying high atop the siege tower of his life. Sure, he was only ten and a half years old but already the combined hatred of school work and overwhelming love of using logic to disprove reason had taken him. For the most part, Patrick was a pretty good kid. He brushed his teeth regularly and only threw rocks through the neighbors� windows irregularly. Occasionally Pat would play practical jokes on the Statham�s by taking one of their bunny rabbits out of its cage and burying it alive, but these instances were few and far between. After being punished and asked why he had done such a thing, Patrick replied by saying, �The rabbit was already dead; I just told you I buried it alive because it sounded more dramatic.� This worked the first time, but Patrick�s parents began to suspect when the dog dug up a fourth bunny skeleton and Pat answered with the same explanation as the first three. Either there was a bunny rabbit death epidemic at the Statham�s and Pat just happened to be the first one to notice each time, or Patrick was a liar.

One day Patrick and his brother Simon climbed into a storm drain man hole. When cars would pass, Patrick would stick his arm through the gutter inlet and grasp for the pavement of the road as someone who was trying to escape certain doom. Almost always, the car would slow down and as soon as it did, Simon would reach out with a gloved hand and pull Patrick�s arm back into the drain. Occasionally Simon would add a pounding to his �victim�s� hand before dragging it into the darkness to add to the drama. Sometimes people would get out of their cars and call down into the drain; the boys would just move down deeper into the blackness and try to keep from laughing out loud.

This kind of behavior went on through most of Patrick�s adolescent life. Eventually Pat stopped brushing his teeth altogether and in doing so, lost all recognizable signs of morality. Patrick was labeled as one who is made of pure unadulterated evil and his actions would soon catch up with him. On March 29, 2001, Patrick was imprisoned on false charges of assault and gross negligence. His accuser was listed on the police report as a Mr. Benji Statham.

Video Harvest � Volume 6

It�s a beautiful thing:

 

Next, an 8-bit attack on NYC:

 

This is so that nerds can be even more anti social � and play RPS by themselves:

 

A nice little short film that reminds me of Half-Life 2�highly recommend watching this in HD. Also, be warned that it does contain some violence and blood.

 

And the PacAttack�.Also may be disturbing for children, sissies, and small rodents.

.

Disney Princesses � Part 3

You may recall a few weeks back I did a couple articles on the Disney Princesses (here and here) which was received with resounding approval by my readership as well as top accolades from many in the who deemed my analysis �awesome� and �deserving of a Pulitzer.�

My list however was incomplete due to the fact that I had yet to view �The Princess and the Frog,� Disney's most recent iteration of what has become commonly known as �the Disney Princess farce.�

Here is what I wrote previously regarding the movie�s heroine, Tiana:

09. Tiana � Also not a real princess until she marries a frog, Tiana is an American living in New Orleans in 1912.  Wearing a princess costume for a masquerade ball, Tiana is mistaken as a real princess by a frog who just happens to be a prince from a country that still has a monarchy. Since I have yet to see �The Princess and The Frog,�  I will not comment further regarding the negative aspects of the film or its �princess.�  If you have seen the movie, feel free to add input in the comments section.

-Spoilers be here, ye be warned.-

Now having watched the film, I can say without a doubt that Tiana fits right in with the other ridiculous princess characters in the Disney cartoon collection.  She is a person who violates her own principles in order to get financial success � throughout the first act, we are constantly reminded that Tiana would never ever in a million years kiss a frog no matter the material benefits. When actually faced with such a choice, all her principles go out the window as she decides that money is more important and this prince who is a frog can provide that. The result is that rather than turning the frog into a handsome rich prince, Tiana�s kiss turns herself into a frog�Shrek much?

Ultimately the two frogs fall in love and learn that the only way they can change back is if the prince frog is kissed by a true princess � sooo not Tiana. And lucky them, its Mardi Gras in New Orleans and Tiana�s friend Charlotte just happens to be the daughter of the man named King of the festival�so in classic Disney fashion, Charlotte qualifies as a princess until the clock strikes midnight.  When the necessary kiss fails to happen before this moment in time, the two frogs decide that they are good with their condition and decide to get married as frogs � Shrek much? 

At that moment Tiana becomes a princess by marriage and the subsequent kiss changes them back into humans.  All of this�because Tiana did what she swore she would never do. Sure, it turned out okay in the end�but not without sacrificing the films best character to death by shoe sole. All this without even mentioning the loose flooziness of a woman who is willing to make out with someone for money�or the problems that come with interspecies relationships.  And this is supposed to be a role model for our children?

Video Harvest � Volume 5

Hey everyone, here is last week�s VidHarvest that I simply forgot to post.  I will do the customary repost on Friday then go back to the normal rotation next week.  Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

Just to let you know, none of the videos this week are April Fools jokes.  Perhaps some of those will appear on next week�s harvest but for now we�ll steer clear of them.