Weathering

Originally posted on March 25, 2009.

We�ve all experienced the elements at some point in our lives. It�s just a cold (then hot then cold again) hard fact of life that when you leave something outside for any extended period of time, the earth kills it. I can�t remember how many times I had left my dad�s tools out in the yard for days before finally remembering and hoping he hadn�t come looking for them. When I went back to get them they were not as they once were, if you know what I mean. After days of the sun beating down on them, then rain pounding their metallic finish, then wind cooling and grabbing at their oxidizing molecules, the shiny objects become dull, rusty and weak. This is what Earth does to things that move very slowly.

Let�s go even further, 10 years passes and the effects are seen everywhere. Rotting and composting turn useful objects into worthless piles of rot and compost. Dark materials are made into lighter colors due to bleaching by the suns harmful UV rays. Scientists and home depot sales people call this process �weathering.� They fail to mention that how much they love weathering because it keeps them rich�..oh how I loath orange apron and unneeded back brace. Sic est porcus.

So imagine with me for a moment what would happen if Japan developed a device that could incur massive and rapid weathering upon the intended target. The science would be quite simple, just figure out a way to super accelerate the process of oxidation so that atoms loose their electrons more readily without causing a chain reaction that would spread beyond the targeted kill zone.

Imagine the good that could be done with this technology�landfills would all but vanish, whole forests could be turned into fertile potting soil in a matter of minutes, building demolition would be easy, and when you use the device on your neighbor�s yappy dog there is no evidence.

Of course you�d have your share of punk delinquent kids driving around oxidizing mailboxes but how is this really any different then smashing them with a baseball bat? I�ll tell you how it�s different: oxidizing is quieter, safer, doesn�t dent a perfectly good bat, and grants the mailbox owner with free potting soil.